tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74170090723470166952011-04-21T13:36:54.107-07:00Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11826573154457523879noreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7417009072347016695.post-88799922152272376722008-05-16T16:20:00.001-07:002008-05-16T16:34:05.704-07:00I've been reliving the "final" goodbye My Mr. and I shared yesterday.  As I drove away, he mouthed "I love you" and I broke down.  Our conversation yesterday was drawn out two hours. I met him on his way out of town to give him the gift box I made for him. 200 dollars later, the gift box was a success...any hope I had of a final plea for reconciliation was not.  It's only been twenty-four hours but every other minute I've had to seriously fight the urge to call him, cry, and beg for him to take me back-to forgive me for making such foolish decisions.  Still, I know sacrificing my pride will do nothing but unlock vulnerability and surface the rejection I'm already feeling. . . I don't mind feeling rejected - I hate feeling angry and fearful.  That fear has done nothing but escalate into panic and sadness. I'm fearful that he'll insist I follow through with my promises of abstaining from him forever . . . he'll say something like, "that was your decision, live with it. there are consequences that you need to live with for a while."  <div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Is it possible to live with the consequences of living without someone you love?</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7417009072347016695-8879992215227237672?l=iamcarriebradshaw.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11826573154457523879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7417009072347016695.post-57718643163871317592008-05-15T17:38:00.000-07:002008-05-15T17:49:16.816-07:00My Mr. Big left today. For good. I ended it a few weeks ago, and he moved out the next morning. I left for work, came home, and our house was missing a suitcase full of him. We kept in touch, and I never felt like things were "over." For some reason I thought, perhaps selfishly, that we were just working on ourselves and he'd come home when I asked. Then, I asked. He didn't come home. Quite the opposite, actually. He doesn't want to be with me now as he moves across the country-he refuses, in fact, to consider it. Says he's "confused" and "conflicted." I understand, but I told him I never wanted to see him again. I do want to see him again, I want desperately to be with him, but don't feel I should be forced to beg. If he doesn't want to commit, I don't want to waste my heart...I can't. I've swallowed my pride enough, sobbed too much on his shoulder already, and still he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He has chosen, "UNCERTAINTY" over me. He claims that he doesn't need to apologize for needing uncertainty at this point in his life... and I feel like I don't need to apologize for needing to be rid of him for good. I want to love him, but I have to forget about him, now. Regardless of the amount of love I profess for him, it will not change his mind. . . so, now I've got to change mine.<br /><br /><br />When did love stop being enough?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7417009072347016695-5771864316387131759?l=iamcarriebradshaw.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11826573154457523879noreply@blogger.com0